wallydownundy

The combination of record high floodwaters and the slow summer season means Australia’s media is awash with water stories. Just as there’s a gross excess of water, there’s a gross excess of coverage. Yet within all that news there’s a lesson for anyone preparing for a media interview.

Technical talk is always hard for laymen to understand. The best spokespeople are able to cut through with visual language. “The area flooded is the size of France and Germany combined.” That reference is easy to understand and has been used repeatedly. Whereas the following is harder to conceptualise:

“PrimeAg Australia Ltd., a producer, estimated about 2,000 hectares, or 13 percent, of its 15,200 hectare cotton crop had been inundated.” (Source: Bloomberg)

Last night on ABC Radio National, one expert discussed the increased amount of floodwater being released from a local dam to make space for oncoming floodwaters. Some 22 megalitres were released daily. Two questions later we learned that was up from a daily average of 10 megalitres. But the oncoming floods represented gigalitres of water.

What?

I wasn’t raised with the metric system. The Americans refuse to believe it exists (except for alcohol which is sold in litres versus quarts). But the “mega” and “giga” sounded suspiciously like my computer storage. Answers.com takes the easy route - their response to “how many litres in a megalitre” gains in simplicity what it loses in ease of understanding (1,000,000.0 L = 1 ML).

But leave it to the fishermen to be straight to the point. On an angler’s forum on Ausfish, the question is answered easily by Slates - a bronze fish member:

“One cubic meter of water is one thousand litres (one kilolitre) and very close to one thousand kilograms. Therefore, if you have a pool that’s 50m X 25m X 2m (guessing at the olympic size), you’d be looking at 2.5 megalitres.” (Source: Slates on Ausfish.com.au)

So let’s rewind to the ABC Radio National interview. It would have been clearer to say:

“On a normal day we release 10 megalitres of water - enough to fill four Olympic-size pools. We’ve jumped that to 22 megalitres every day - or the equivalent of 10 full pools.” (Source: Me!)

Got it? The lesson is simple - use your technical term, but then define it immediately in a context every person can understand. It will keep you from doing a belly flop on air.

A recent advertising and public relations campaign by high-profile retailers has struck a nerve - unfortunately, it wasn’t the one they aimed for.

A coallition of big name retail stores banded together to demand a level playing field. Their argument is that on-line sales allow consumers to dodge taxes for purchases under $1,000. Graphs showcasing why Levi Jeans cost $69 on-line versus $95 in-store aim to educate consumers. The real goal is to get government to impose restrictions like duty or taxes on any Internet sales. The problem - says the government - is that collecting tax globally on $100 sales will cost more than is raised.

It’s more than uncompetitive. According to retailer Gerry Harvey it’s “Un-Australian.” We’re told paying more “is the right thing to do.”

SIDEBAR: Three years ago the Australian dollar was mockingly called the “Pacific Peso” - at one stage the Australian dollar was worth 50 US cents. Flash forward to today and we’ve achieve parity - the US and Australian dollars are worth the same. So instead of paying AU$150 for a US$100 item we’re paying AU$100. By year-end analysts say AU$1 will equal US$1.10.

The arguments against retailers are diverse - from poor service to high prices to limited trading hours to high prices (did I say that already?). Moving from New York City to Sydney involved a number of culture shocks. The worst was the lack of a strong retail culture. There are stores - but back in 1990 you’d pay 3-4 times what Americans paid. And while manufacturing in China has driven down prices, what hasn’t changed is the limited selection, abbreviated hours and poor service. If you want to shop after 6:00 pm there’s one night a week - or your precious weekend.

What’s most frustrating is the challenge finding what you want. On the weekend we went to Westfield Bondi Junction - a glamorous and wonderful mall in Sydney. We didn’t have much in mind spare wasting time. When we decided to buy the second season of “Glee” we were directed to three separate stores. None had it in stock. One had stopped selling DVDs but no one had updated the store directory. That afternoon Amazon.com had the product - and a lot more. Once again we over-spent.

Australian retailers need to take advantage of the on-line trend and provide a robust shopping experience in their web stores. Most are horribly antiquated. Buying a book? Good luck - one local on-line store took the credit card - then said after the book would ship in three months when stock arrived. That wasn’t a transparent experience at all.

In the USA on-line and physical stores co-exist beautifully. There have been massive changes to the retail sector however the addition of good on-line options has been “additive” - more is sold than ever before. Stores are happy. On-line retailers are happy. And the customers? Well the kings are happy too.

Kings of Retail vs Customer is King?

In yesterday’s post, “The Cost of Floods” , I wrote about the provisions taken by insurers for claims from the floods in Australia. Currently a land mass the size of France and Germany combined are under water. Today’s papers announce Obama has offered help. It’s that bad.

Today Andrew Fraser, Phil Ayling and Damon Kitney at The Australian report on the drop in share value for the top three Australian insurers. A total of $830 million was wiped from the market capitalisation of the companies in one day’s trade. Investors are concerned their shares - like many Queensland properties - may be underwater.

Investors may turn to a new financial advisor to help them recover losses.

So many businesses are using social media to engage consumers its getting hard to keep track. Cherry Coke has friends on Facebook (”It’s great reminiscing with pals”). Old Spice man has achieved cult status. And even stinker films like “Gulliver’s Travels” have an enormous budget for on-line promotion (Note to studio: Invest in scriptwriters instead).

But some businesses are having difficulties embracing social media - particularly those in highly regulated areas. In the USA, the National Investor Relations Institute (NIRI) puzzles over the use of social media in investor relations programs. Traditionally “full market disclosure” meant a release on Dow Jones or another news wire. Would a Tweet suffice? Probably not. But a Twitter link to a release already issued is fair.

Healthcare is also struggling with the best ways to use social media. On one hand it allows doctors to keep contact with patients remotely. It can be useful to remind patients of medication or treatment schedules. But some doctors learned the hard way that what’s said on-line stays on-line - forever. Just before Christmas the Australian Medical Association issued recommendations for practitioners using social media. Included were case studies of what not to do. Among the many howlers was this pearl:

Dear Emergency Registrar,

Thanks a million for misdiagnosing my patient’s perforated bowel as constipation and treating aggressively with laxatives. I’m sure she appreciated the subsequent cardiac arrest and multiorgan failure. Don’t worry, she just needs a new set of kidneys and a liver and she’ll be right. And with that kind of performance, I’m sure you can help her acquire them.

Kind regards,

Lowly intern

(based on an actual posting on a social networking site)

The correct use of social media isn’t easily prescribed. It can be better understood through research and smart counsel. For those in regulated industries, it’s usually better to be safe than sorry. Physician, heal thyself? Perhaps. But with some of these social media postings, a different proverb rings true: “Doctors make the very worst patients”.

Insurance firms in Australia are under pressure to release estimates of pay-outs to victims of floods. Currently an area the size of France and Germany combined is under water. Several towns are cut-off with no road, rail or airport access. With floodwaters yet to peak in some areas, there’s mounting concern about the damage to infrastructure (bridges, roads, water treatment plants, schools).

Last Friday Suncorp issued a statement on the Australian Stock Exchange. They say provisions for catostrophic flood and reinsurance programs mean claims will be within expected guidelines. Until other insurers match Suncorp’s transparency their stocks are likely to trade at a discount.

Meanwhile federal funds continue to flow, with Prime Minister Julia Gillard introducing new sources for flood-damaged areas. Households will qualify for a $25k clean-up grant and low interest loans to alleviate the burden of post-flood resettlement.

For those sitting in emergency shelters and sleeping on relatives’ couches, the news is welcome but far from the relief they need.

Donate to the Premier’s Flood Relief Appeal now.  

On one side the Northeast American states continue to dig out from a record snowfall - didn’t see that coming, did you Mayor Bloomberg? On the Australian side of the world we are dealing with floodwater of epic proportions.

The Queensland town of Emerald today confirmed record flood levels capping 15.6 metres (that’s 51 feet or the height of a five story building). Along with Emerald numerous towns are inundated with evacuations underway. Hundreds of families are being relocated to safety on the same day the first victim if flooding was found - a 50 year old man fell into swollen waters and his body was recovered yesterday.

While the water may be confined to Queensland, the cost of the floods will be national. Destroyed crops, flooded mines, destroyed infrastructure all add up quickly. The cost to the national economy is expected to top AU$6 billion (at today’s exchange rate, that’s US$6.1 billion). In grocers the price of vegetables and fruits are expected to rise. Considering these are core parts of the national grocery basket, Australia can expect a spike in inflation - and a potential increase then in interest rates.

All of this is a cruel joke after the long term drought. Australia suffered one of the longest and most widespread droughts in living history, and this came to an end in the last two years. Farmers were cultivating crops that were due to lift them from long term debt. Now they’re relocated to emergency shelters and newscasts feature their homes under record floodwater.

Twenty years ago I heard a speech by Bill Gates here in Sydney. He said one day we’ll be so busy watching our telephones we won’t want to get up to answer the television. That happened, right? And then ten years ago I heard another prediction. Global warming would lead to billions of dollars of damages, eradication of food crops and mass dislocation. At the time I thought they meant Bangladesh, not Bundaberg.

So if you have any change left after Christmas, donate it today at any branch of Bank of Queensland, Commonwealth Bank, Westpac, ANZ, NAB or Suncorp. Alternatively donate on-line to the Premier’s Disaster Relief Appeal.

One of the easier adjustments to make when living in Australia is the lackadaisical approach to January. When I first moved here in 1990 the month was a total write-off. It’s right after the blessed holidays. School kids are all off. It’s summertime! There was a time you could ring an office and no one would pick up for 30 rings (it became a test after 10). It was the worst time to try and get client approval. And for clients, it was a miserable time to have a crisis. Journalists were bored and had time on their hands!

Flash forward 20 years and it’s still a quiet time of year - but not a total stand-still. The majority of Australian companies trade with their Northern Hemisphere brethren. It means they need to be at work and on time. Yes - the roads are still quieter and many restaurants are closed. But business continues.

Overall, it’s hard to blame anyone in Sydney for wanting to take it slow. After all, this beach is 10 km from my home…

Hashim Thaci is a man under pressure. As Prime Minister of Kosovo he already has enough on his plate. Now he’s been accused of trafficking human organs (see The Australian 22 December 2010).

In his defence, Thaci denied involvement in the crime ring accused of the organ trafficking. He also denied involvement in the heroin trade and said he’d never killed anyone or ordered anyone killed.

Now that we have that cleared up…

Using the “I never” or “I didn’t” defence isn’t a strong suit for the media, especially when that’s followed by a scandalous accusation. Former US President Richard Nixon holds the moral trademark on why this doesn’t work. His famous riposte “I am not a crook” is all but etched on his tombstone. It’s what he’s well remembered for.

Julian Assange isn’t attacking the accusers in his sex crimes imbroglio. He’s going after the network he purports is behind these two. It’s called deflection. Julian is bridging from the issue to a larger matter not directly related.

So what should Thaci do now? The repeated denials of not being a criminal are only reinforcing the word criminal. Immediately we forget the “not.” It would be interesting to learn more about the accusers, their claims and their motivations. That may muddy the water enough for Thaci to retrieve cover.

In the film “Groundhog Day” poor Bill Murray can’t escape the one day he’s sent to small town Pennsylvania to report on whether an animal sees its shadow. The title of the film has entered the vernacular for anything that feels endlessly repetitive. Like Lindsay Lohan’s personal life or the Melbourne Storm.

Or the Australian federal election.

Australians awoke on Sunday to find little has changed. Both candidates were filling with the airwaves with their moral imperative to lead the nation. Both parties attacked the other stressing their failures. And instead of leadership we, as a nation, are stuck in neutral.

In the coming days one party will cajole, bribe or canoodle enough Independents to lay claim to the leadership. Yet with a near-even split our nation will lack solid government. The squandering of the Labor Party majority and the rise of Tony Abbott are subjects for other postings. For now, however, there’s a nation to govern. And the even split - while shockingly reminiscent of Bush-Gore - is less emotional and more mundane.

This Groundhog Day election is bound to continue for weeks to come. And in my strong opinion, won’t be resolved until another poll is called. I bet it’ll be just around Christmas time…

I met a former boss of mine for lunch yesterday. He’s originally Australian but lives in New York, and I reported to him when I was in Hong Kong (confused yet?). It was great to spend time and hear what’s happened in the ensuing 10 years since we worked together.

Over the years he’s had a plethora of titles - Vice President, Senior Vice President, Executive Vice President, CEO, Chairman of the Board. Clearly he’s been a success.

Yet as the business card holder was filled and refilled again and again by increasingly posh cards with weightier titles, the glamour of the card began to fade. When he approached retirement he quipped to his wife that he’s had every title known to man - spare one.

Today as a retiree he carries a card with the title, “Chief Tribal Warlord.” To those who had the good fortune to work for the man, he’s not that fierce (unless you missed your margin for a month!).

When I did run the business in Hong Kong one man had been with the business forever. In his latter years he wondered who no one had the title “Queen of the Nile” anymore. Can you guess what the brass plaque presented for his birthday read?

I also did an assignment for one of the smaller European nations. The Prince visited and as a thank you gave me platinum cufflinks that featured the royal seal. We had to address him as “His Most Serene Highness.” Yet he was much like any other businessman.

Corporations run amok with grandiose titles. What are the more extreme you’ve seen? And if you could have any title on your card, what would it be? Twitter away and use the hashtag #mytitle.